Monday, December 20, 2010

Been Gone Awhile

For those who read my blog, I'm sorry that I've not been able to blog lately. We've been super busy. We went to Alabama and then Florida to visit with my grandparents. When in Alabama, my papa informed me (yet again, like he does every time he sees me) how disappointed in me he is. How I need to dump the "loser" I am with. (he didn't bother asking about Shawn. He just assumed that because of my history with men, that Shawn's a loser, and would not let me explain anything about him). He told me I need to focus on the babies, and stop worrying about my self. I've made arrangements with a school financial councilor to see about getting into school for my RN. Shawn is trying to get a house big enough for all of us. He wants to help me get through school, and get a good job. Then he wants to go back to school himself. He wants to take care of us. He wants to be a family with me, my kids, and his kids. These things are what I want for all of us. I am putting all of our kids first.... But I get off of the subject I started on. Papa's informed me that I need to dump the "looser", and that "your not ugly, your extremely over weight, and have an okay personality. But after you get through school, and take care of your kids, then you can find some one."
We then went to Florida to visit my Gramma. Mom and I have talked it over. We don't think she'll make it past the 6 month mark, a year at the most. Which is her own doing. She started getting sick last year, then refused to go to the doctor. And is STILL refusing to do so. While we were there she went through her jewelery separating what she wants us to have now, and then later. As well as what furniture goes where, and the stories behind the heirlooms. I am sad to think that my Gramma will pass away. But she has lived a long, full, happy life. I love my Gramma, and will miss her so much. I'm sorry that she won't get to see the babies grow up. Or see me getting married, or see the babies that will be born after the marriage.

I've not seen Shawn since the last weekend in November. I miss him so terribly much, and he's only 3 hours away. I don't have insurance on my blazer, and the tags have now expired. As well as it seems to have sprung an oil leak and is way over due for an oil change. All I've asked for Giftmas is the insurance so I can get my tag taken care of, and enough gas money to get me up to Shawn as well as the money for the tolls. But knowing my family I won't get it. I'll be lucky to get a coffee mug. At least they are buying presents for the babies. Being as I can't even do that.
I'm feeling very useless lately, and can't seem to get out of this funk. I feel lost, scared, and alone. All I want is my Shawn. I miss his arms around me. Him playing with my hair. Touching and playing with his hair. Wrapping my arms around him. I miss how he interacts with my kids. They think of him as Daddy. He's the one and only Daddy in their lives, and he's the only one I want there for them. He's perfect. I miss him so!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Been awhile

For those of you who follow my blog I do apologize for not having made many posts lately. I've been busy with life in the real world. I've been staying at Shawn's house more time than I have been at home. He makes me feel like I'm complete, when I am with him it's like everything in the world is right. Life is simply so much happier and more ...... complete. I keep coming back to that word. Complete. He completes my life, he completes me, my children have started calling him daddy, which they never did when I was with any one else. I love him so much, and I honestly can see my self growing old with him, and sitting in a rocker on the front porch, watching our grand kids playing in the front yard. When I am in his arms I feel like I'm in HEAVEN!!!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

More Scarves

Here are the scarves for Celtic Dragonfly and her other daughter, as well as the scarf for Susan. I hope every one likes their scarves!!!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Welp, my husband emailed me yesterday asking for a phone number to get a hold of me at. I gave it to him, because it was concerning our divorce. Apparently he's marrying another girl, and wants a divorce FINALLY. Now that he want's one he's filing the paper work. The problem is that I don't live in Canada any more, and the papers have to be served to me in person. So now he wants me to have one of my friends up there lie. Say they served me, sign the papers for me, and give a fake address that they "served me" at. Now the question is am I pissed off at him enough to fight this, or just go ahead and see if my friend will lie, and get it over with. Get the divorce and be done with him. Until it comes to changing my kids birth certificates. I HATE Oklahoma law. According to the law I had to put my husband on their birth certificates, even though there is NO possible way for him to be their dad. So he has to fill out denial paper work for both of them. And being as monster is over 2 it has to go to the courts to get it changed. This is a load of BS!!!!! I wish I could just be done with the f***er ...

Monday, November 15, 2010

Crafting Area

Susan requested that every one take pictures of their craft areas with out cleaning up, and post them. My area is also where I sleep, so this is how it looks during the day while I work on my stuff. At night I clear the love seat off and sleep. The boot box has scarves I've already made, and am in the middle of making. The Walmart bag on the floor is skiens of yarn. There's magazines 'Baby Talk' magazine. All of my crocheting needles, my jacket on the back of the sofa, and the piece of re-sistance, my moms cat sleeping inside of my jacket. On the table next to my love seat is my dinner, my pop, kids medicine, brush, ear buds, polish remover, and nail polish. Hope you like my pictures Susan.

Sunday, November 14, 2010


Here are some pictures of a couple of the scarves I've been working on. The black and blue one is my daughters (Miss Maezi), the multicolored one (blue/pink/purple <the name of the yarn is "pudding">) is CelticDragonfly daughter. I'm in the middle of making the second scarf for her other daughter, will post the pictures when I'm done.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Best Weekend of My Life

I had the best weekend of my life. The babies and I went out to Shawn's. It was the best damn weekend I've ever had. I've only been home less than a day and I miss it so much already. I loved his kids so much, and his kids love me.
We've been working on him moving out here. After my visit he's decided that he will be moving here ASAP, no questions, no ifs, ands or buts about it. This makes me so happy. I don't know what to do with my self at this point. 
Hes so perfect, he's loving, adoring, loves his kids and mine. His kids are perfect, and I think that we make a great family. I can't wait for him and the babies to get here. 
My daughter misses his kids so much. She keeps asking for "my (insert kids name here)"
She's so pitiful. I told her that they aren't going to be around for a while, and she's laying here next to me, bawling like a baby. That's about how I feel. I miss them all so very much. I wish we didn't have to come back.
With things the way they happened, I believe that the things that happened while I was there happened for a reason. I wish they were all here now. One big happy family.