Been Gone Awhile

For those who read my blog, I'm sorry that I've not been able to blog lately. We've been super busy. We went to Alabama and then Florida to visit with my grandparents. When in Alabama, my papa informed me (yet again, like he does every time he sees me) how disappointed in me he is. How I need to dump the "loser" I am with. (he didn't bother asking about Shawn. He just assumed that because of my history with men, that Shawn's a loser, and would not let me explain anything about him). He told me I need to focus on the babies, and stop worrying about my self. I've made arrangements with a school financial councilor to see about getting into school for my RN. Shawn is trying to get a house big enough for all of us. He wants to help me get through school, and get a good job. Then he wants to go back to school himself. He wants to take care of us. He wants to be a family with me, my kids, and his kids. These things are what I want for all of us. I am putting all of our kids first.... But I get off of the subject I started on. Papa's informed me that I need to dump the "looser", and that "your not ugly, your extremely over weight, and have an okay personality. But after you get through school, and take care of your kids, then you can find some one."
We then went to Florida to visit my Gramma. Mom and I have talked it over. We don't think she'll make it past the 6 month mark, a year at the most. Which is her own doing. She started getting sick last year, then refused to go to the doctor. And is STILL refusing to do so. While we were there she went through her jewelery separating what she wants us to have now, and then later. As well as what furniture goes where, and the stories behind the heirlooms. I am sad to think that my Gramma will pass away. But she has lived a long, full, happy life. I love my Gramma, and will miss her so much. I'm sorry that she won't get to see the babies grow up. Or see me getting married, or see the babies that will be born after the marriage.


I've not seen Shawn since the last weekend in November. I miss him so terribly much, and he's only 3 hours away. I don't have insurance on my blazer, and the tags have now expired. As well as it seems to have sprung an oil leak and is way over due for an oil change. All I've asked for Giftmas is the insurance so I can get my tag taken care of, and enough gas money to get me up to Shawn as well as the money for the tolls. But knowing my family I won't get it. I'll be lucky to get a coffee mug. At least they are buying presents for the babies. Being as I can't even do that.
I'm feeling very useless lately, and can't seem to get out of this funk. I feel lost, scared, and alone. All I want is my Shawn. I miss his arms around me. Him playing with my hair. Touching and playing with his hair. Wrapping my arms around him. I miss how he interacts with my kids. They think of him as Daddy. He's the one and only Daddy in their lives, and he's the only one I want there for them. He's perfect. I miss him so!

Been awhile

For those of you who follow my blog I do apologize for not having made many posts lately. I've been busy with life in the real world. I've been staying at Shawn's house more time than I have been at home. He makes me feel like I'm complete, when I am with him it's like everything in the world is right. Life is simply so much happier and more ...... complete. I keep coming back to that word. Complete. He completes my life, he completes me, my children have started calling him daddy, which they never did when I was with any one else. I love him so much, and I honestly can see my self growing old with him, and sitting in a rocker on the front porch, watching our grand kids playing in the front yard. When I am in his arms I feel like I'm in HEAVEN!!!!

More Scarves

Here are the scarves for Celtic Dragonfly and her other daughter, as well as the scarf for Susan. I hope every one likes their scarves!!!!

Divorce

Welp, my husband emailed me yesterday asking for a phone number to get a hold of me at. I gave it to him, because it was concerning our divorce. Apparently he's marrying another girl, and wants a divorce FINALLY. Now that he want's one he's filing the paper work. The problem is that I don't live in Canada any more, and the papers have to be served to me in person. So now he wants me to have one of my friends up there lie. Say they served me, sign the papers for me, and give a fake address that they "served me" at. Now the question is am I pissed off at him enough to fight this, or just go ahead and see if my friend will lie, and get it over with. Get the divorce and be done with him. Until it comes to changing my kids birth certificates. I HATE Oklahoma law. According to the law I had to put my husband on their birth certificates, even though there is NO possible way for him to be their dad. So he has to fill out denial paper work for both of them. And being as monster is over 2 it has to go to the courts to get it changed. This is a load of BS!!!!! I wish I could just be done with the f***er ...

Crafting Area

Susan requested that every one take pictures of their craft areas with out cleaning up, and post them. My area is also where I sleep, so this is how it looks during the day while I work on my stuff. At night I clear the love seat off and sleep. The boot box has scarves I've already made, and am in the middle of making. The Walmart bag on the floor is skiens of yarn. There's magazines 'Baby Talk' magazine. All of my crocheting needles, my jacket on the back of the sofa, and the piece of re-sistance, my moms cat sleeping inside of my jacket. On the table next to my love seat is my dinner, my pop, kids medicine, brush, ear buds, polish remover, and nail polish. Hope you like my pictures Susan.

Scarves

Here are some pictures of a couple of the scarves I've been working on. The black and blue one is my daughters (Miss Maezi), the multicolored one (blue/pink/purple <the name of the yarn is "pudding">) is CelticDragonfly daughter. I'm in the middle of making the second scarf for her other daughter, will post the pictures when I'm done.

The Best Weekend of My Life

I had the best weekend of my life. The babies and I went out to Shawn's. It was the best damn weekend I've ever had. I've only been home less than a day and I miss it so much already. I loved his kids so much, and his kids love me.
We've been working on him moving out here. After my visit he's decided that he will be moving here ASAP, no questions, no ifs, ands or buts about it. This makes me so happy. I don't know what to do with my self at this point. 
Hes so perfect, he's loving, adoring, loves his kids and mine. His kids are perfect, and I think that we make a great family. I can't wait for him and the babies to get here. 
My daughter misses his kids so much. She keeps asking for "my (insert kids name here)"
She's so pitiful. I told her that they aren't going to be around for a while, and she's laying here next to me, bawling like a baby. That's about how I feel. I miss them all so very much. I wish we didn't have to come back.
With things the way they happened, I believe that the things that happened while I was there happened for a reason. I wish they were all here now. One big happy family.

Alphabetic blogging

Challenged by another blogger (Susan) I shall  recite the ABC's of me....

A - Age:  27
B - Bed size: Queen, but it's in a storage unit gathering dust
C - Chore you hate: Dishes by hand
D - Dog's name: I don't have one at the moment
E - Essential start your day item(s): Coffee and computer for email and chat
F - Favorite color: can't name just one
G- Gold or Silver: White Gold (allergic to yellow gold)
H - Height: 5'9"
I - Instruments you play: Learning Bass and Guitar
J - Job: Cashier at Lowes
K - Kids: 11 y/o girl, 9 y/o boy, 6 year old twin girls, soon to be 3 y/o girl, 1 1/2 year old boy
L - Living Arrangements: With my parents until bf moves here
M - Music you love: Everything and Anything
N - Nicknames: Brainy, Brain, Goddess, Queen, Princess .... Penguin :-|
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Pregnancy Issues
P - Pet Peeve: Angry People, people who treat their kids illy
Q - Quote from a movie: "Nobody loves, a Nobody" Oscar ~ Shark Tale
R - Right or left handed : Right handed for almost everything
S - Siblings: 3 younger brothers that I have contact with, the rest don't matter
T - Time you wake up: When ever the babies wake me up
U – Underwear: Very rarely, when I do wear them I prefer lac cheekies
V - Vegetable you dislike: Haven't met a veggie I don't like
W - Workout Style: Chasing babies through the park
X - X-rays you've had: To long to list
Y - Yummy food you make: Anything that sounds yummy to me
Z - Zoo, the best place to visit: I like the peacocks

Best Weekend to come

Tomorrow I'm heading out to Shawn's to spend some time with him and the kids. I am SOOOO looking forward to it. Some snuggle time with my manly man, some good old fashioned family time with all of our babies. I'm so excited I can't stand my self. *does happy dance*

Good News

So I got some great news last night. Shawn is moving here, to ME. He thinks hopefully by the end of the month. Mid-month next month at the latest. No one has ever moved, every one's expected me o move to them. So this is kind of a big deal to me. Stupid I know, but it makes me feel great about how our relationship is going to go. It's not going to be one sided as all of my others had been. I'm looking so forward to having him near, and really getting to know him. Getting to go on dates, and spend as much time with him and his kids. His older daughter already likes me, and according to him that's a HUGE deal because she doesn't like any one. *laughs*
I'm looking forward to doing some crafts with the kids, between him and I there are 6 of them. Ages 11, 9, twin 6 year old's, a 2 year old and a 1 year old. If any one has any ideas for crafts please feel free to share. We used to have a kids cook book, but seemed to have lost it. Will have to find another one. And want to do all kinds of crafts with them, spend as much time as I can with them. Thank you to every one who shares.

Goodies for Goodies

I have asked several people from my chat room for some of their goodies that they make, whether it be home made jams/canning, jewelry, or a bull penis cane. I thought I was kind of lame because I didn't have anything I could make to offer them. But I have thought of something I CAN make.
Last year I couldn't find a hat that fit my daughter. So I crocheted her a hat. I call it the bonnet, because it reminds me of the olden days bonnets that women wore. It's a scarf with a hood on it. I have even thought about taking the scarf and using it as the beginnings of a hooded vest, or even a jacket. all crocheted. Considering this is the first bonnet I've made, and the design is all my own (I could not find a design for what I was looking for) I think this came out very well.
If your interested in trading goodies for goodies please email me what colors you would like (some yarns are multicolored like the one on this bonnet). In the subject line please put "Goodies for Goodies" so I do not think that the email is a spam. Anything I make will not be so loose, this was my first project to crochet. My work is much better now. But this is the only bonnet I've made as of yet.

I hope to hear from you all.

Susans Giveaway

My friend Susan is having a blog giveaway, and the candle sounds awesome. Here's the link to her blog, check it out:
 http://sipsfromthefirehydrant.blogspot.com/2010/10/giveaway-time.html

The Stupidity of Broken Women

If you've ever been in a bad relationship you will understand where I am coming from for this post. 
I've always been bad at picking men to be in relationships with. Lazy men who don't have jobs, or take care of their kids, and live with the parents/grandparents. Abusive men, controlling men, immature men who don't stand up and be responsible adults. So then when you meet a man who's perfect, who is a stand up responsible adult, a man who takes care of his kids, and has a home and a car. 
Then when women like me get with a man like this, and we ARE broken, we don't know how to react to the things he does. We start fights and arguments because those are the only kinds of relationships we are used to, and we don't know how to be in a real one. 
So from this broken female to all the other broken females who might possibly read this, don't go down the road I have. Learn from the mistakes of others, love the men who treat you good, don't think that they will do the things the bad men did. Every person is different, and maybe just maybe that new man in your life could be the one who is worthy of you giving your all to them. 
To the man that I'm sure I've done more than his fair share of harming, I'm sorry. I love you, and I hope that maybe we can work things out between us. Hopefully you can forgive me issues and help me work on them.
Shawn, I love you.

Haunt the Zoo

I work 2-11pm all this week, so will be unable to take the babies trick 'r treating. So we took them tonight to Haunt the Zoo: http://www.okczoo.com/ they had a great time. I wish I had gotten more pictures, but it was so busy, kids every where. I thought it was awesome, and so did the kids. Monster enjoyed getting to yell "Trick or Treat" at every one, then saying thank you when they gave her candy, or chips (or even a can of pop). It was so much fun, I wish I could take them again!
I wish Shawn and his kids could have come down and gone with us, it as great!!!!

Halloween

As we are driving down the road at night my daughter sees all the Halloween lights and starts yelling "Christmas, Christmas, presents" No baby it's Halloween "trick 'r treat, trick ' treat" no baby, not yet, its a few more days off. Remember? "trick 'r treat, mama, candy"
Then she goes and pounds on her grampas door "trick 'r treat bop bop" so now he's started keeping candy next to the bedroom door.

I've decided that I have shite taste in men, and that all I was going to worry about was me and my kids. Getting a job, getting my own place, putting my self through school.

Then Shawn came along. A man who tells me every day how beautiful I am, who wants to be with me. Who has custody of 2 of his 4 kids, who supports them, takes care of them. Some one who's a responsible adult, who is willing to wait for me while I get my self and my kids settled down. Some one who's willing to move to be with me, instead of demanding I move to be with him, who does not expect me to support him and his children. He's willing to work hard to help me out, and asks for nothing in return but my love. He is perfect, and I appreciate him more than words can say. He means more to me than I can explain. He's my friend, and hopefully will be my lover and more when I am ready. 
Shawn I love you, and I appreciate how your willing to wait, and are not trying to rush me, how you treat me, and the things you do for me and my kids. I already love your kids, and look forward to getting to really know them as well!

Storms

Today I feel like my life is in a storm. I hope the eye of the storm passes over head soon. And that made me think of some storm pictures I had (as well as Shawn my dear heart who makes me laugh and smile every day)

Work

Today was a good day at work. They put me in the Return area. Second day on the floor and I'm being moved around. I like it though. I'm learning all kinds of different things. And I really like the people I've been put with to be trained. They are all so nice. They've already invited me to a girls night out. Dinner, movie, and drinks at one of their houses. Now all I need to do is find a baby sitter. 
I'm working hard, and taking care of the babies. The life of a parent, eh?
I can't wait to get my own place. I need a place for me and the babies to just be alone. No parents, not their father. 
I hope things work out for us, one way or the other.

My photography

I'm not as talented as a lot of my friends. But I thought I would show those who are interested in the things that DO interest me. Below will be pictures that I have taken over the last few years. The flowers are from a park in Oklahoma City: http://www.myriadgardens.com/index.html
I hope every one enjoys.

Hi My names CupCake and this is my blog. I hope any of you that read this understand my thoughts. I've started this to put down what I think and feel.
I've been going through relationship after relationship.
I've left my last boyfriend because I found out he was keeping another family on the side. Offering to get her a house, and take care of her and her kids, the exact same thing as what he had been offering me. He talked to her about wanting to be with her and another couple, and with another women, and taking her to a swinger club. All the things he had been talking to me about.
I've decided that taking care of my kids and my self is more important to me than any relationships I have had or might have. So I've started a new job, and hope to find a new place to live and get out of my parents place (again).
My children are the most important thing in my life, and always will be. And whomever I get together with whether friends or more should know that.